This is totally new for me. To express in a manner where I’m not entirely sure if this could be read, ignored, or even cared about.
When I express, I usually make sure someone’s listening or even cared to try to listen. It’s hard these days; to have that someone who listens.
So now I’m learning, to express without the intent of being listened to. I’m learning gradually to express not to impress anybody or not to please, not to get attention. It’s tiring to grow up as a brat, you know. To always exhaust my actions towards the desire to get other people’s attention. Then at the end of the day, you never get satisfied. I guess that’s not what I was looking for at all; attention. It never was really.
Love, the real one, was what I was looking for. And I guess, it starts with loving myself first. To be firm in the love of myself, to trust in my capacities and to accept my weaknesses. To continue dreaming and achieving it; to pat myself at the back for every wins and even the losses. To cry over unachieved goals and to accept what’s not meant for me. To be patient of my prayers and to trust in God more than ever.
I guess, trying out this blog is a symbol of trying again. Trying to love myself again, a little more, a little bit deeper.
Cheers to whatever and wherever this leads me…